There are various reasons why you are or can become a stepmom. It can be by choice or because of unavoidable circumstances. You can be a step mom simply because you chose to marry a man whose wife passed away and is left with kids. It is also possible to be a stepmom in a case where you are called upon to take care of and guide kids even if you are not married to their father. You can also be a step mother to kids whose mother is alive but is divorced from their father.
Being a stepmom can be one of the most challenging tasks you will ever encounter. However, you can easily become a good stepmom by reading and sticking to the tips below. What you need to realize is that there are many very successful stepmoms around the world. Such moms created the perfect environment for the kids to thrive and develop their potential.
1. Never Rush Things
It is very important that you never rush things as a stepmom. The first thing you need to realize is the fact that you are not their biological mother. Do not expect the kids to welcome you with open arms and heart.
You will always remain the “intruder” in their lives. That is the painful fact that you need to know. You have literally invaded their home and taken the place of their mother. Do expect to receive some level of hostility. You need to realize that they are kids and you are the adult. The best you can do is to create a good environment that works well for them. Give them some time to learn to appreciate that you are now part of their family.
2. Avoid Competition for Love
This is often the biggest mistake that most stepmoms commit. Most compete with the kids for their father’s love and attention. The kids will naturally rebel against you and it will be very difficult to make them trust you.
You need to remain contended that their father loves you. That is why he talked and convinced you to be part of his family with the kids included. Make it a point for the kids to have a good time with the kids. Although you also need to be around to participate in any discussions, only voice your opinion when it is necessary. This is to avoid voicing opinions that are not in line with what the kids are already used to.
3. Avoid Introducing Your Own Rules
This is a very common mistake that stepmoms do. You certainly have the responsibility to take care and guide kids entrusted to you. However, that does give you the freedom to introduce your own rules. It is obvious that the kids were under certain rules and introducing any new rules will be disastrous.
It is always a good idea to consult with your husband or the father or the kids when you need to introduce any rules. It is also a good idea to let the father introduce the rules that you suggest. Your role should be to implement the rules.
4. Communicate with the Kids
Silence is often said to be one of the best weapons. Unfortunately, remaining silent with kids who are not your own can bring problems. Kids know how to read silence. They will interpret your silence to mean you do not love them.
Always maintain a healthy line of communication with the kids. Open your heart to them and you will be surprised by how they open their heart to you. This will go a long way to create the sense of trust between them and you. You will eventually become good friends within the family.
5. Avoid Blame Games
This is one thing you need to avoid as a stepmom. Blaming the kids for anything that affects you as a stepmom only serves to create a distance between you and the kids. Do not try to mention the kids when you disagree with their father.
You need to assume that the kids are your own even though they are not. Implement disciplinary measures when it is appropriate and give praise where it is necessary. Solve any disagreements with their father without bringing in issues that relate to the kids.
Being a step mom should never be a challenge. In addition to sticking to the above tips, you need to take some time to understand the kids. This makes it possible for you to know they relate to their father and how they are used to doing things around the house. You will on the path to becoming a very good stepmom.